I for one have relatives that I struggle to communicate with. I often find myself thinking that they are not listening to me or understanding me or what I am trying to say. When I try to be funny they find an argument, when I try to be helpful they see belittlement or when I try to be nice I can end up avoiding more than argument but the people in question. Around these people I find myself more often than not saying “well at least I made an effort”. Really “at least..” Is that the effort I want to put in to one of the most important commandments Jesus left us with. Jesus did not say make one attempt to love your neighbour, or well if you try that is good enough, no, we must simply love regardless of personality, belief, reaction. impression or judgement.
We must try to respond to Jesus and not the persona or image of others. Often I find myself becoming abrupt, disinterested and dismissive of relatives I do not see eye to eye with. It is only recently that I can stop blaming them for my reaction and realise if I want to be treated differently I need to interpret them as people differently. If we do not want to be bitten we must put our own teeth away. If they do not understand am I not explaining well enough, if they are not listening am I listening to them, if they are aggressive and argumentative am I providing a problem, a solution or giving options, if my help is not taken as such have I asked what would be helpful or been presumptuous, by being passive am I avoiding them, myself or Jesus? Am I one of the villagers who can not recognise the gifts of those in my home town, the neighbours I have been not asked but commanded to love?
In responding to Jesus there is no “at least”. We are called to be like him and give all of ourselves. Sure we will get hurt even by those we count as friends and family, we will fall but each time we need to pick ourselves up and continue on the road of love that God calls us to walk. Thankfully we are not alone and when we are weak and tired we have only to call for help. When Jesus walked to his death, he had help and support from those around him, from a man, yes a simple weak human was called on to help the son of God, not by Jesus but taken from the crowd by a guard. How lucky are we that we have Jesus to help us? Jesus is stronger, wiser, braver and more loving than we are capable of and He is with us. He had a family, He had friends that did not understand, He had relatives and neighbours that did not accept him. He knows us and our situations and is ready to help. Even when we can not or do not ask for help ourselves others can call on our behalf. How often do we ask Jesus to help us be loving when it is a struggle, do we ask that we are lovable to make it easier for others to follow the commandments, do we simply pray for others to answer Jesus’ call to them?
Everyone is loved by God. My family is also God’s family. My neighbours are Jesus’ neighbours. The people I struggle to be around are God’s creation, each valuable and loved. If I am to live being catholic I must love everyone with every ounce of my being. This does not mean that there will not be misunderstandings or arguments. How often we see the disciples misinterpret or misunderstand Jesus! A parent loving a child does not mean the child is not taught right from wrong or disciplined or avoids the consequence of their actions. It, loving others, means that like Jesus we are prepared to help when asked, to share what we know and to give time and food when needed. We don’t have to do as we were told but as we were shown. Jesus acted out what he taught and as such showed us what we can be capable of if we following his instruction. What I know is that we are all unworthy sinners but loved and the more I see the sinner in myself the more I grow in capacity to love and ability to communicate that love to others, in the form of a smile, kind word or recognition of their value. Even the scariest of cats can be cute and cuddly if looked at and treated in the right way by the right person.
When I struggle to communicate with relatives it reflects my communication with Jesus. It is all relative. What we do, say to or say about others is what we are saying about Him that we should love above all things. When we truly love God we will see our relatives through the eyes of love and we will see the work of the Creator in them. Love is not easy it can be a difficult task and may effort, it may become a challenge and the effort may weigh us down at times but we always have help and the best way to ask for this help is to give help to others. Help others to love and see the good in others by not talking badly or gossiping, by offering the best of yourself to be loved, by being the all the qualities to want in others; patient, understanding, a good listener and appreciative, and you may well find it easier to love those around you too.
Full of Prayers 